A mini-CEX on matrescence

Today is the last day of my maternity leave. Tomorrow I will pin my hospital ID badge back onto my scrubs and return to work to continue my training in paediatrics.  

I’ve been told (on multiple occasions) that my upcoming rotation working with vulnerable children will be a difficult one to return to after having my first baby. It made me smile, because before I went on maternity leave, I was told (on multiple occasions) the same thing about working with newborn babies before becoming a mother. 

It has left me wondering – is there ever an easy time to return to medicine when you’ve left your heart at home? Will I be supported as a mother whilst caring for another’s child? Will I still be a good doctor after taking time off? 

I finished work just days before welcoming my first child. At the time, I was working with newborn babies, a rotation filled with extraordinary resilience, fragile encounters and vulnerable families. Multiple people remarked that this would be a particularly challenging term before having my own baby. However, given the rigmarole of training requirements, I persevered. Now, 9 months later, I am preparing to return to work with another cohort of vulnerable children. Once again, well-meaning people have reminded me that this will be a challenging rotation, especially right after maternity leave. 

They’re probably right. 

However, the conversations have made me reflect less on the difficulty of the rotations themselves, and more on 

how matrescence has changed the doctor who is returning. I haven’t simply taken time away from medicine; I have returned with a perspective I didn’t know I was missing. 

Before becoming a mother, I understood paediatrics through textbooks and clinical experience. I knew how to assess an unwell child, explain a diagnosis and present a journal article (actually, I still am a bit unsure on this one). Now, I have learnt what it feels to actually have your heart (crawling) outside your chest. Returning to work, I know my medical knowledge hasn’t changed – but my perspective has.  

If I could speak to myself before maternity leave, I wouldn’t tell her not to worry about returning to work – because she would anyway. I wouldn’t tell her how unfairly and quickly time moves – because she already knows this. Instead, I’d tell her that perhaps the most important career growth doesn’t exclusively occur in the hospital. Perhaps some happens at home, in the quiet moments that shape her as a mother. 

Tomorrow I will walk back into the hospital as a Paediatric Advanced Trainee. But today, I am walking as a mother. I hope this not only makes me a better doctor, but a better advocate for every child and family that I have the privilege to care for.